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Him: "Ummm…Postage……"
Me: { blank stare }
Him: { waves envelope at me }
Me: "Postage?"
Him: "Where do I…..?"
Me: ( suddenly realizing there is no postage on his envelope ) "Ah, I see.The postage meter is just there on the counter. If you like, leave it there and we'll stamp the postage on it for you. "
Him: "…and then I….."
Me: {glaring at him} "I'm sorry, I'm not exactly sure what you're asking me."
Him: {looking annoyed} "Where do I put the letter after I put postage on it?"
Me: {now slightly amused} "Generally you'd drop it into the postbox outside however, if you prefer, leave it there and I'll have the assistant post if for you. "
Him: {tilts his head and gives me an odd look}
Me: "In fact, leave it with me and I'll take care of it."
Wanker.
No friends, no significant other. It's time to seize the clean slate and move on. I have been given a fresh start and I wasn't even expecting it. Who knew? Life sure is funny.
I've put my dreams on the back of the hotplate for long enough, thank you very much, and it's time to dust them off and have another look. I have one particular dream I've had since I was a teenager and I am finally in a place where I can move forward with it. Yay me!
Life can start over at any age although I am surprised, and chuffed, that it is starting over at this stage of the pitch. The future is once again unknown but not in the same way it was before. It is no longer foreboding and lonley but exciting and inviting.
I can't wait to get started!
It's never easy, nor fun, when you end a friedship with a best mate. When things go pear shaped there is little to do if both parites are unwiilling to talk about it.
I've said goodbye to a best mate. It was not a vengeful farewell and I am happy I thought about it before finally deciding that for me, there was nowhere further to go .
I'm proud of myself.
It's over.
We had a long talk. It was loving and kind and I was totally surprised that he was thinking about ending it too. He admitted that his ability to find work was a major factor and there was no use in trying to fool himself any longer. I was sad to hear him sound so beaten down by his own admission but was also relieved that he finally understood how money would have been the wedge to drive us apart. Neither of us wanted to be the people we knew we'd become if we didn't split up.
I am sad and relieved. Relieved to have made a decision. The feelings I had for him have gone and there is no turning back.
There are things I will miss about him. I will miss him. In the end, this is the right decision and from now on I promise myself that I will stop lying to myself. It's much too painful.
After much thought and several weeks to consider, our friendship is over. She ended it weeks ago but I was hoping she would contact me so we could at least say goodbye and wish each other well if not resolve the problem.
Fat chance.
I had the thought today that I need some closure of my own regarding this friendships end. Yes, there is also spite and satisfaction of saying something that will pierce her through to the bone, as she did me. As much as I really want to ruin a few days out of her week, make her feel as if she’d punched in the stomach by biting words, on the verge of retching all day for several days and then cry bitter tears over what is being said about you in public which is not, in any way, true, I just can’t bring myself to do it. Yes, I do want to do that, to make her feel the way she made me feel and to be as cowardly and send it in an email. That is what anyone would want, right?
I think I might actually sit down and write a letter, a real letter with my own handwriting and drop it in the post. As I was sitting at a stop light earlier, I began to compose the letter in my head. It had none of the above mentioned themes in it. Truthfully, I want my goodbye to be sincere and honest without being accusatory or spiteful. I want to walk away the bigger person with my dignity in tact and a little self respect. I want to say goodbye and really feel that I wish her well. I want to mean it when I tell her I wish her all the happiness life has to offer and as much success as she can bear.
I want to walk away feeling I’ve done the right thing, for both of us.
