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When I was a child, I would watch my parents get ready for an evening out.
My mothers perfume was Chanel No. 5. She wore a gold charm bracelet that I was always excited to see. She would wear both the perfume and the bracelet only when they were going out dancing.
I would watch my father shaving in his trousers and undershirt, face covered with foam and a cigarette hanging from his lips. When he finished, the bathroom smelled like cigarettes and Old Spice.
These are the scents of my memory.
A long time ago, I used to meditate on pretty much a daily basis. It's been so long I almost forgot how. Just a few days ago, I began to meditate again. In fact, I've just finished a very short meditation now and I'd completly forgotten how peaceful I feel afterwards, even if it is only 15 minutes.
I use the Rosary for meditation most of the time but this evening I tried something different. I tried using the "om" chant and am truly surprised at the result. It seemed an almost faster deepr meditation. Whatever works, I say.
I feel a deep need to reconnect with my spiritual self. I desire to become a soul residing in a body rather than a body seeking a soul. I have slowly begun to change the way I think and have made a commitment to work at being kind rather than needing to be right. If I can master that, I can do anything.
I've been thinking a lot about new beginnings and life lessons. I think, if something you find devastating happens in your life (a break up, loss of friendship, loss of a job and the like) that the important thing to do is learn from the experience.
While that is easy to say and harder to practise, I am learning slowly how to make that shift from acknowledging the lesson and that there is a higher reason for the events in my life, to accepting with no uncertainty that my life has a purpose, I was put here on this earth specifically for that purpose and it is my explicit responsibility to find out what that purpose is.
By becoming an optimist, one can begin to see endless possibilities in life therefore, allowing more opportunity to appear in life. It's not that opportunity was never there before, it's just that perhaps we ( I, more specifically) were not ready to open the door to that opportunity and we never saw it!
There is an old saying: "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear". I've heard that expression before and never more than now do I really understand what that means. "Give yourself away", another expression I've heard before, holds new meaning as well.
I've begun to understand that I was put on this earth for a specific reason, that my life has purpose and I will have a legacy. I've begun to understand that in order for me to accept with responsibility my life's purpose, I must learn to be accepting and in alignment with spirit (God). My will must be the same as that from which I came. I am that from which I came. Is not a slice of apple pie the same as the pie it came from?
I believe, for the first time in my life, that I am beginning to become the person I am meant to be. Baby steps. Ever so slowly. The idea of something bigger than I is awesome. I have always believed that there is a God and He is good. Now, I am beginning to truly understand what higher consciousness is.
It is a long journey to enlightenment. Every teacher I've ever had has proved this to be true. What is different now is that I must pay attention to the journey rather than what lies at then end of the road, I must "Be here now" and create love on my life journey. I must accept that the more I give away, the more I shall receive.
I pray for the strength to do the things and make the changes that lie ahead of me to make me whole.
"It's on it's way"!
onuroztel : hi
onuroztel : i have a camera
onuroztel : i can penis show
onuroztel : ok
onuroztel : ?
ME: Oh, you have a puppet show?? I'd love to see that!
ME: Is it Punch and Judy? I used to love that as a kid
fast_furious: do you want to do sex
ME: I want you to paint my house
ME: Will you paint my house for me my little sex kitten?
