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I’m off tomorrow for a nice long and leisurely holiday.There are many things I need to think about and all have to do with me. Just me. Only me. It’s time I put aside what everyone else thinks or wants about me or from me. It is time for me to think about what I want. What do I need anyway? I’m not even sure anymore.
On this trip, I will dig a hole in the sand and bury my past in it. I shall leave it behind when I walk down the beach without looking back, without thinking about it ever again. No more guilt. No more letting people walk all over me. No more ego getting in my own way. It is all staying there, buried deep in the sand and when I get back on that plane I shall fly overhead and never think of it again.
I will finally have peace in my life.
Three weeks ago the end finally arrived. I’ve been miserable for months, mooning and pining over my decision to end the relationship and wanting him back after he finally FINALLY got himself some help. We talked here and there but that last conversation did it.
The second to last conversation I asked if he thought there was a chance we could give it another go and he said he didn’t see any reason why not but not just now. He needed to get the rest of his life sorted blah blah blah.
The last conversation he began laughing as he told me about the three “chicks” that were up for the part of his new girlfriend and how he felt like a gigilo. When I asked him if he said that just to make me feel badly, he said no he wasn’t trying to make me feel badly and thought I’d be happy that he was getting on with his life.
Right there. That was the moment. What a prat. How stupid am I??
I finally realised I was wasting my time chasing after something that never existed. I am no longer wringing my hands in despair or crying over a man that is not worthy of my affection. There is a lift in my step, a song in my heart (well, sort of) and life goes on. I have some things of own that need sorting out and after a nice long visit to the seaside, I shall return refreshed and ready to conquer my own demons.
It’s time to move on….
