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It’s a fact. When things in my life go norks northward, I fall apart.
When someone else has a crisis of epic proportion, I’m there to hold their hand and sooth them with worldly words of wisdom and offer hugs rampantly. I am the woman I have always imagined I’d be in a crisis; strong, shoulders squared with a look of sheer determination and an attitude of “Oh yes? I don’t think so. It’s going to take more than this to break me!” but I am only that woman when it is someone else’s life. When it comes to my own, I’m a complete mess.
Recent events have shown me who I really am when things are not going as smoothly as I need them to. See, that right there…”as I need them to”. How anal retentive must one be? I suppose that is why I have the job I do and why I love it so much. It feeds my desire to have control somewhere in my life.
That’s the thing; having control. Have you ever noticed when the control is taken away from you, you feel as if your bare ass is swinging in the breeze? You feel as if no matter what you do or think or say or attempt to make it right is useless and can, in fact, just make it worse? You feel impotent to do anything to change the situation?
Ah, there’s the rub. It is exactly at these moments that I can’t seem to remember that no matter what happens in my life the world is not going to end. It feels that way but it’s a lie. It is then I forget that I already know that no matter what happens, I will be fine and everything work out. I have been to hell and back on many an occasions throughout out my life and I am here today, mostly unscathed and moving forward. I once found myself living in the middle of nowhere with an hour commute to work. Suddenly the car craps out. I whine and complain and cry over how am I going to get to work, I’ll lose my job, my home and eventually (in the not too distant future) become homeless. Soon enough, I found myself with not only a new car but a loaner from a very dear neighbor 2 miles away to boot. There was no need for all the emotional nonsense.
Like most people, I prefer when my life runs smoothly however, I have come to realise that the bumps and nudges along the way add a lovely shade of blue and purple to my life. I mean really, what is life without color after all?
