i dreamed a dream

I’ve been having such strange dreams lately. The consist of a man who is a combination of the ex and the tattooed man.

 The scenario in the first dream was this man who I was involved with but became terribly hurt when I found out he had been seeing someone and then got engaged. The day before the wedding he told me about her, completely nonplused that I might have feelings or something to say about it. I remember the dream being mostly about my confusion as to these events and wondering how I could not have known he was seeing someone else. 

The second dream left me feeling similarly befuddled. It was mostly the tattooed man in this one and he suddenly changed his mind about me and next thing I know, he’s hanging out with all my friends and pursuing artistic endeavours that I suggested. 

Yea…. I have abandonment issues as well as classicaly choosing the wrong man. I’m pretty sure I know what these dreams are telling me. 

you still can’t fix stupid

i am an idiot of the enth degree. what is wrong with me??

tigers and stripes

Sometimes you can change a tigers stripes. Most times, you can’t. 

After two weeks, I’ve had about all I want to take. The drinking is bad. When he’s sober he is one of the loveliest people I know. He is tender and mind and very much a gentleman. When he’s drinking he turns into a frat boy. 

I don’t drink much. A super cold beer every blue moon, a glass of wine that mostly goes unfinished at dinner. I don’t particularly care to be around drunk people. 

I feel guilty. He said the if he disturbs me he will find elsewhere to live. He said he’s not a charity case and doesn’t need anyone to take care of him. This really upset me and I feel terrible. It didn’t matter what I said, he seemed to be determined to make other arrangements despite me telling him I would help and support him and I want him to be happy because he deserves better than getting drunk every night. I also told him that in the end, it is his decision but he is welcome to stay if he is able to face his problems. 

I feel just awful because his soul is in so much trouble, because I know his potential, because he has a beautiful heart, because I care about him. 

I just don’t know what to do.